Some people have it so easy.

Monday, February 14, 2011
16 and Pregnant. Probably the show I loathe more than any other in the entire world. I'll watch a marathon of Bonanza before I want to sit and watch that show. I literally hate those girls. Girls who get pregnant willy nilly, no problem and everything is just peachy from the time the sperm hits the egg. Why, why?? must they have it so easy. Girls who can't properly care for a baby and shouldn't be having babies have them, no problem.

Here we sit on Valentine's Day, and rather than celebration, it's more of a waiting period. I had some bad cramping yesterday after walking around the mall for a while. That, coupled with my brown spotting that I just can never seem to shake in pregnancy (yet, I bleed/spot not a drop except for one time since Henry's birth) my new doctor ordered an ultrasound. I know our dating is accurate. We are fairly certain on the date of conception, give or take a day or two. I know I am in the 5th week. Thus, I was hesitant to go into this ultrasound knowing for sure we wouldn't see a heartbeat, let alone a baby.

As (I think) should have been expected, we didn't see a baby. The US tech thought she saw the yolk sac (which is all that should be seen now), but she just wasn't sure. The doctor is concerned, as my HCG levels last Tuesday were at 1400, high enough where we should have seen something. Though those numbers do have a huge range from person to person. For the 4th time in two weeks, I had another HCG draw today, though we won't get the result until tomorrow. I'll be at work when I get the call.*Edit* My HCG that day was 14,000, my doctor is not hopeful, at all.

The three scenarios he laid out for us are as follows:

1. Everything is perfectly fine and my hormone levels are just a bit high and the baby is growing slower than what the number is indicating. We could be exactly where we should be. If this is the case, my number should be somewhere between 4,000-8,000 if this is the case.*Edit* which is wasn't.
2. My HCG level may come back lower or close to 1400 which will indicate an imminent miscarriage.
3. My HCG level may come back incredibly high 20,000 or so--and that will indicate a chemical pregnancy, which again, would indicate an imminent miscarriage.

I am just praying that we are scenario one. I'm trying to relax (there has been no more cramping or spotting today) and believe that this is the baby we are meant to have. If that is not the case, I literally don't know how I will deal with this for a third time.

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